I Have Finally Broken My Silence! I Am Free!!
I have broken free from the guilt of the skeletons in my closet and moved forward in life.
I heard about Alabastron about five years ago. A close friend of mine had invited me to the Open Day. I felt I couldn’t afford it but I knew it is what I needed. Later I began following the program My Unspoken closely. I wished I had the courage to share my pain as I watched the women share.
After carrying the weight of the decisions I had made that turned out to be mistakes, I had a longing to be free. I wanted to separate my past from the future I longed for. So, I began attending church. Unfortunately, I felt judged so I did not share my truth. I was at the lowest I have ever been in my life. Ouch! Sometimes I would catch myself thinking death would be a better option. This time I was not ready to do therapy again.
After carrying the weight of the decisions I had made that turned out to be mistakes, I had a longing to be free. I wanted to separate my past from the future I longed for.
My life was stagnant. I was struggling with my social life. I was living in solace. Deep down I longed to share my truth without fear or judgment. I was feeling defeated. I began lacking confidence in myself. I was carrying guilt and shame from the decisions I had made in my life.
In order to live by life, I began pleasing people. I would say yes to everything including what I needed to say no to. I couldn’t pray because I felt unworthy even before God! I had no peace. I began having sleepless nights. This resulted to me been easily irritable at work, arriving at work late. Consequently, I constantly strived to prove my worth to people around me even if it was at my own expense. I was a doormat.
My highlight of my Alabastron journey was when I was able to break my silence. For the first time in my life I spoke my truth without fear and judgment. Truly no words can express this moment for me. I had always been scared of being judged but for the first time in my life, the skeletons in my closet could no longer haunt me. Also it was encouraging to hear that even other ladies share this similar pain!! WAAAAH!! I realized I was not alone.
My highlight of my Alabastron journey was when I was able to break my silence. For the first time in my life I spoke my truth without fear and judgment.
What excites me most is who I have become and continuing to be. I am a confident woman who is happy and kinder to herself. I love myself. I see myself in a new way. I know I am making great strides and I know that I am doing my very best. I know I am forgiven. I can approach God without fear and I realize that I need him more. Yes, I can finally see who I am in the eyes of God.
Gosh!! I want to shout on the rooftops for the world to know this is one of the important decisions I made in my life, to take care of Diana. Of course, this is not a quick fix. It took work and commitment. I put in a lot of time and energy but my focus was on what I was gaining.
Finally, to every woman searching for a safe place where she can break the silence, share her truth without judgment. Come home. I found a home where I found my freedom as a woman.
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