I Made Excuses And Even Lied For Him...
I had just fallen out of a relationship with a man that we had known each other for over 5 years. Two years after into the relationship, we were blessed with a son.
Just like any other relationship I was hoping for a settlement and having a son made me sure that it was going to happen. Questions were asked (society expectations) and I made excuses and even lied for him, he made no efforts but I was in love (so I thought). At that point of my life I got to learn that he was still in a relationship with his ex and they had a child who was even younger than my son.
My heart was shattered, I was heartbroken and my world just collapsed. I was slowly sinking into depression. I was angry, I was mad....
My heart was shattered, I was heartbroken and my world just collapsed. I was slowly sinking into depression. I was angry, I was mad.... I reacted very harshly to my own family (my son included). Ironically, I continued to make excuses for him, lie for him and put up a strong happy face before the world. Inside me was a walking shell of my old self. I shared with a friend of mine Irene about my issues and she told me about the Alabastron. At this point I had lost myself completely and I needed to find me.
Many times I questioned myself on what I did wrong, what I didn’t do right, but through the Alabastron process I have learnt to not bear shame for someone else’s behavior.
Through the process, I have come to terms with the fact that I was deceived, lied to and that my relationship with the father of my child cannot happen the way I want it to be.
I have forgiven him, I am now in the process of dealing with the anger and bitterness and resentment. Through forgiveness, I have found peace and I now know that though I cannot wish the relationship away, it doesn’t have to go back to what it was. Many times I questioned myself on what I did wrong, what I didn’t do right, but through the Alabastron process I have learnt to not bear shame for someone else’s behavior.
I finally gathered courage to tell my family and friends the whole truth without feeling ashamed and I no longer live a lie. I am parenting my son with honor and pride. My mum told me, she knew something was amiss as days went (mothers know everything right?). I am surprised that none of these people judged me and that is what I dreaded most.
Right now, I am experiencing so much peace of mind. I look at my son with so much pride and joy.
Right now, I am experiencing so much peace of mind. I look at my son with so much pride and joy. Gone are the days he used to remind me of his dad! Now he reminds me of how God is merciful, loving and forgiving. I am no longer angry at his father, we can now hold a conversation without me getting angry and shouting. He too surprised at how calm I am. I told him it’s because I found myself!
My gratitude goes to Coach Beatrice and the entire Alabastron team. I have found my peace, I found me and I am at a point where I feel like I have been born again!
God bless you