It was 'do or die' for me
I now know why I want to get married!
I had known Alabastron for a while before I enrolled. I had combed the website and I knew what it entailed. I called the Alabastron office in September 2015 with the aim of enrolling for the class that was to start in October 2015. I didn’t talk to family or friends about it. Before long, I started giving excuses as to why I couldn’t attend the class. The biggest excuse was that I lived out of Nairobi. The office called to confirm my attendance and I told them I was not coming. They gave me options but I still refused.
In December 2015, it was so clear that if I didn’t enroll for the January class, I would never do it. It was ‘do or die’ for me. I had done a self-development class in 2012 and it left me more damaged and confused! So I was skeptical. What endeared me to Alabastron was their Christian approach.
I enrolled for season 26 of Alabastron on the open day (January 29th 2016). Laimani gave a very detailed explanation of how we live life through other people’s eyes. She mentioned something about people ‘dying’ at very early ages and only going through the motions of life. I knew that was me. For a few years my life was just work, home, family and friends – motions. I had an idea of what I was passionate about but I didn’t have the courage to go all out and pursue it. At the back of my mind, the next step in life after graduation and getting a job was to get married. I remember Laimani asking what next after marriage! That was it for me! I remember asking myself if my only remaining goal in life was to get married.
For a few years my life was just work, home, family and friends – motions. I had an idea of what I was passionate about but I didn’t have the courage to go all out and pursue it.
The first few classes clarified things for me. I had never viewed myself without titles. I was always a daughter, a sister, a friend, a girlfriend, a colleague and so on. The coach asked us ‘who are you?’ I thought ‘who is Emma?’ I had no idea! How do I introduce myself without any of these titles?
Alabastron has helped me to put things in perspective. I now know my self-defeating patterns. I can identify thoughts, words and situations that bring me down and make me doubt my capabilities. I now affirm myself as a beautiful, brilliant and worthy woman. I relate better with myself. I honour myself with my words and deeds.
Alabastron has helped me to put things in perspective. ..I now affirm myself as a beautiful, brilliant and worthy woman. I relate better with myself. I honour myself with my words and deeds. I now know why I want to get married!
I now know why I want to get married! I am clear about what my role in my marriage will be. Marriage is not the end game. It is not ‘it’. It is a beautiful institution only when honoured by the two people entering into it. I am not seeking fulfillment and contentment in marriage but in myself first. I am not seeking to be settled in marriage but to settle myself – to be at peace with myself and my life even as I wait to be married. My intentions for wanting to get married are pure! That is such a beautiful thing! I know the difference between ‘luv’ and ‘love’! I can now fully and intentionally choose to love another person.
I am not seeking fulfillment and contentment in marriage but in myself first. 
I am not seeking to be settled in marriage but to settle myself – to be at peace with myself and my life even as I wait to be married.
I celebrate my achievements. I know my work is important because it is what I’m passionate about. Now I give 100% at work. I love and enjoy what I do. I have stopped constantly looking for ‘greener pastures’. I am watering my lawn! I know my capabilities and I don’t take on too much just to please people or prove a point. I’m learning to do things that I love, enjoy and I’m passionate about.
I have developed my relationship with God. I had given up on this. I remember I had even given out my Bible! When I enrolled for Alabastron I bought a new Bible after the first class. I have read Psalms 139 with very clear, unclogged eyes! God knew me before I was even formed in my mother’s womb. He has the best intentions for me. He is my master planner and my creator. I enjoy spending time with Him because it is not out of obligation or guilt. I choose to know Him better and to have a personal relationship with Him.
Now I give 100% at work. I love and enjoy what I do. I have stopped constantly looking for ‘greener pastures’. I am watering my lawn!
I have learnt how to establish boundaries in my life. I have learnt how to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty. I can now protect myself from negative energy by avoiding people and situations that cause me anxious thoughts.
I have learnt how to apologize and also how to forgive both myself and others. I know how important forgiveness is to my well-being as a person and also as a Christian. This was very hard at first but through prayer and reading the Bible I know it is God’s will for me to forgive. I experience the freedom that comes with absolute forgiveness.
I travelled from Eldoret every weekend to Nairobi to attend my classes on Saturday morning. I didn’t even notice the fatigue! I looked forward to each weekend. I treasure the knowledge I have gained. I treasure the friendships I have created. I am now accountable to friends who’ve walked this journey with me. This is very vital for me if I am to sustain the gains I have made.
This has been the best personal safari I have ever taken!
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