A Crown of Clarity and Inner Peace

I leant about Alabastron from my internship. It did not make sense for me because I thought it was for women with issues. I thought that my issues were minor. Through the program, I began opening up as the process you get to meet with the deepest self of your entire existence. This sharing gave me a sense of calm and I would feel safe.

I began having the confidence to open up about issues that hurt me. My relationship with my mother was strenuous as she would share intimate matters in regard to my father that I felt drained. However she would always tell me that I am a firstborn hence I will have to endure what she was sharing with me. It left me feeling violated, helpless and disturbed. These words I had been hearing since my childhood.

“You are a firstborn. You must mature so that your siblings have someone to look up to.”

These words forced me to always live up to standards and life perspective of other people in my life. I would end up feeling powerless and timid. This would show up in how I was working even on tasks on my area of competence. I was always defensive when receiving feedback with an intention to prove the other person wrong. I would lose my voice in some instances hence I was not able to speak out my opinions and ideas. [...]