What does “tired of being tired” mean? That is the question I asked myself when I received a flier from my sister-in-law 2 years ago.

When I received the WhatsApp flier from my sister-in-law, the message resonated with what I was going throughat the time. The caption on the flier read, “Are you tired of being tired?” That is what got me really interested.

I had heard of Alabastron 5 years ago from my friend but I wasn’t too keen on enrolling. We actually met when she was going to class. She just told me “I’m going for Alabastron”. I heard about it again from my sister-in-law 2 years ago. I had just had my third child and I couldn’t enroll.

I decided to enroll for the program after I saw the flier. I didn’t have an excuse this time round. I made up my mind to go for it. I had not received a lot of information about the program from either my friend or my sister-in-law but I signed up! [...]

Prior to my mum doing the Renewing Self Program at Alabastron, I did not understand what was really going on. I was bitter about what was going on at home – my relationship with my mother and father was not ideal and it translated to my school life and my personal relationships with other people especially other women, both authoritative and platonic.

For a long time I hated women! I did not like the idea of a woman in my life because of the pain my mother had caused me. Every time I needed someone, there was nobody there! I would go and hide somewhere because I didn't want to see her

For most of my childhood, I didn’t have a mum, I had a mother. I had to learn a lot of what I know from trial and error. Some decisions cost me a lot! There are a few times I sat and thought ‘let me approach her’. The few times I did, I would get into trouble for it. [...]

Why on earth would she be calling me? After all we had fallen out! In 2012, a friend whom we had fallen out with called and asked to visit. I was surprised as we had not spoken for years. She came and we spent an evening together. I observed that she had really changed! There was calmness around her and even though we didn’t discuss the issues that led to our fall-out, we talked about past years and as she left, I asked her, “What happened to you?” she said, “I went for a course. I would recommend it to you. It is transformational! Look up Alabastron on Google.” And that was it!

I went to the Alabastron Network Trust website out of curiosity. By the end of the following day, I had googled, and signed up for the Alabastron Renewing Self Program. At that point I was single and very active in church but I had lots of anger and bitterness with my mum, big sister and some friends. [...]

When I saw communication about Miale, I didn't think it was for me...i felt I was doing ok in my "God space" and that I didn't really require a program to grow in that space. I've done many programs and I just was not sure if this was what I needed I was ready to do "Revamp Confidence" which did not kick off at that time so I decided to give Miale a try...pretty sure that if it didn't work for me I'd just drop out.

Miale has helped me realize that where I thought I was OK with God was a mask because I had given up on having a real, vibrant and authentic relationship with God. It opened me up to a space of being authentic and real with God as my loving Father. [...]

At the point where I signed up for the Alabastron Renewing Self programme, I was going through a lot in my life. I could not explain it to anyone not even to myself, why I was extremely bitter. I was a very sad person on the inside yet all smiles on the outside and I had perfected this art such that nobody would ever imagine/suspect that I had any issues at all.

I always felt unloved, not confident, rejected, unworthy and as if I was on my own in this world. I had convinced myself that nobody loved me enough to stand by me. I experienced a lot of emptiness and great fear in my life. As much as all these feelings were eating me up; I always pretended that I was doing well and that I was indeed very happy.

This would only work for as long as I could put up the show and eventually I could just lose it by snapping at people and breaking down. I could never put a finger on exactly what was eating me up. I also had the tendency, and it gave me a high to solve other people's problems by giving them justifiable solutions only as a cover up for my struggle. [...]