I have always imagined myself as weird or dorky or the piece that never fits into the puzzle properly. I have succumbed to societal pressure in an effort to fit in into what is deemed perfect or normal. But a number of times I have failed miserably. I did exactly every opposite thing expected of me by society.

I didn't pass my exams; ever despite having always been a good performer, I didn't join university My family always thought me as a bright kid but I failed my exams since I never brought the A or even B they expected from me, I got a child out of wedlock and I have never really followed the patterns invisibly drawn by the society.

I got to know about Alabastron years back from my friend who's aunty attended the program. I was in my early 20's but I somehow knew that I had to attend it. years passed but it's when pressures of relationships, work and life overweighed me that I instantly remembered that there was a sanctuary I could try and get direction from. [...]

I learnt about Alabastron from a stranger. I met this lady outside a psychiatrist’s office, and we began taking about life and she suggested the program to me. She spoke so passionately about the program and how it saved her and restored her marriage. A few weeks later a coworker sent me a poster on WhatsApp. I purposed to attend the first class; the interesting part is it coincided with my mom’s nine year anniversary since her death.

Before joining Alabastron, I was nervous. I was afraid of exposing my hurts and secrets for fear of judgement. People saw me as this confident and well put together person yet I was afraid that I would be discovered to be a fraud. In the first class, I remember being tasked to trust the process. Then I thought for the longest time I had tried doing things my way and I was tired of barely holding on to life. During this time, I was depressed, sad, and holding on to a string of toxic habits and relationships. I felt lost and the woman I had hoped to be was just but a distant vision [...]

I learnt about Alabastron from my mother, she mentioned it on a phone call and said it was a training she wanted me to attend. I was compelled to attend by virtue of her being my mother, also, I was home for the holidays. 2018 had been a tough one for me. I had gone through an extended depressive episode. I had wanted to quit school because I felt like it was sucking the life out of me. I had chosen to pursue a bachelor's degree in Mining Engineering and after two years of studies, it just felt like I did not have it in me to follow through.

This experience took a tumble on my self-esteem. Growing up, I believed I was smart and that was a big part of my identity, yet here I was flunking out of university. What that meant was that a big part of my identity got chipped off. I felt lost. I secluded myself and drowned in my misery because I did not know how to tell the people around me. [...]

You should join a program called Alabastron. An interesting program, I wish I had attended it even before I got married, I’ll have learnt so much. You’ll learn how to handle things   That’s what my sister in law, Magdalene Nzomo, told me about Alabastron roughly two or three years ago. I had just shared with her about the cycle I was experiencing with men in my dating space. At the moment, I had just been dumped after an engagement and marriage plans! Ouch! I had a lot of unanswered questions, disappointment and hurt.

On sharing the information with me, I told her, “I’ll look into it.” I never did.

Much later, I decided to take the program because I felt I couldn’t live life in guilt. In 2019, I lost my father abruptly on 17th May. My deepest pain was that before he died, I had a big confrontation with him in January. I even refused to go home for Easter Holidays. I had lashed out on him that I screamed at him, cried bitterly and said things I wished I had not. [...]

I experienced frustration in my love space over and over again! I kept asking myself, “What is it was I doing wrong? Why was I unable to have and maintain healthy relationships?” This dilemma led me to take the program.

During the program it dawned on me that what I believed affected the reality I was facing. I had believed that my social status was not good enough to attract what I perceived as good men. This made me feel ashamed.

My greatest highlight was to be able to share my experience in a vulnerable and authentic way in a safe space. I realized that despite all that is around me and my physical attributes, I have a treasure within me. This led me to begin valuing myself, remove the pressure to settle down because of my age being that I am in my mid-thirties. I now seek my identity in this space as a child of God and not from the varies roles I play in life. [...]